Today, I will be going to the Best Cat Expert of the World Award show. You can see me on TV. I’m not excited really. I am on TV all the time. Cat shows call me. Garby and Giri have been on TV at least ten times too. They know they are famous. I’m Ernie Fish. How could my cats not be famous?
We are all dressed in our best suits. Giri and Garby know how to look on TV. Famous cats are smart cats, you see. “Garby. Please do not fall asleep there,” I say. He asks why. “The camera will catch you and the whole world will see you!” Giri thinks this is very funny. “Can we get a gym so he exercises?” He continues, “You know, he would sleep less.” I ask the boys to be quiet. I need to practice my speech. You know, the speech I will give when they give me the award. I will say: Thank you judges and cats and cat people. This award will not find space on my full shelf, but I am happy today. Thank you.
See, famous people have to talk like that. Oh, Giri and Garby will join me on the stage. The person giving me the trophy can hold them while I speak. He will be lucky to hold my famous cats. Giri Fish and Garby Fish are the best cat expert’s cats after all.
The award ceremony began one hour ago. I can see other cat experts sitting in the front row with us. They could have just called me. What is the point of calling all the experts when I, Ernie Fish, am clearly the winner? Garby was snoring while somebody talked and talked about the award. I won it last year. Did you know that? I am sure you did because it was all over the newspapers and TV. My picture was everywhere, you know. Garby and Giri let them take picture of them too. “Do I have to open my eyes for the pictures,” Garby would ask. Giri said, “You ask dumb questions.” I must admit that Garby is sleeping in every picture. The boy needs more sleep than other cats.
“The Best Cat Expert of the World Award for 2013 goes to…” Garby was up in his seat. Giri said, “Let’s go.” I wondered why he said that. The announcement had interrupted my thoughts of my acceptance speech. They must have said my name! “Ernie Fish,” I said loudly. “I am right here.” Giri and Garby hid under their chairs. “We need to leave,” they said and pushed me out the door.
“Garby and Giri Fish, please wait in your seats for the next award.” We looked around us. It was the lady on the stage. They put the spotlight on my cats. I, Ernie Fish, the famous cat expert, was standing in the dark. My cats love awards as much as I do. We went back in. Giri asked me to sit in the back where nobody would see me. I did not say no to him because he was Giri. Nobody can tell me where to sit. Only my cats have the permission to talk to me like that. Why? Because they are smart. All cats are smart but my cats are the smartest.
Then the lady called Giri and Garby onto the stage. “We would like to give you both the award for Best Cats in the World,” she announced. My ears are not working. My cats are getting an award tonight! They were more famous than me, Ernie Fish? Giri and Garby said that they had nothing to say but only a song to sing. My cats sang?
When Garby started singing the lullaby that I used to sing for him, Giri sang along. “Meoow. Meeeow. Meeeeeoooooooooow,” they sang. I forgot to hide in the back and stood up. Everybody turned to look at me. The lady called me to the stage too. I sang our special Meow song with Garby and Giri. It was all over the papers the next day. I, the cat expert Ernie Fish, was a great singer too.